i have turned my back on you and i know that. im so sorry. i shouldn't have sex with aaron. dear god please help me make better descisions. and i want to date aaron, if thats not the right way i should go help me to see that and move on with my life. help me to remember that i deserve better, and that i shouldnt settle for less. Please lord god you are my everything. in your name i pray, amen, amen

I ushered at the Goodman today and i saw Christmas Carol! it was so good it was amazing, especially seeing it from an actors stand point, it was just phenomenal. I feel like I need to say this... for awhile i didnt believe that a person could truly change. but after watching the play I realized that i was so wrong. people can change, i believe that i can grow out of my own childish ways, why can't anyone else? plus it was such a huge reward to see that me actively doing soemthing in my field can make me feel accomplished like i am working towards a huge goal and i slowly seeing the fruits of my labor. originally today i was going to write about aaron and how it really hurt that he doesn't want to talk. but you know waht self? you do have other things that are far more important than a fling with someone who you knew from the beginning would never mean anythign to you. it s all about choices, and i choose not to give him another moment's though i choose to not check his facebook. i choose to realize that what i feel is not real but me wanting attention. i dont need attention from a man. im too fabulous.
anywayz... the best parts about the play was the special effects and the elaborate stage designs. the ghosts flew in, popped from one side of the stage to another and all the sets where electrically powered. the scrooge was magnificent. and they an mixed race l cast. i just love seeing that, i love seeing them choose characters not on color, they dont do that for the opera why should it matter for theater. i mean in certain instances color does play a part in a play. i just think color blind casting can be instituted in certain plays. meh...i gotta pick and choose my battles.lol